So now on to where my physical journey to be a TS really starts. My experiences with the TS Jamie and the guy I dated for a period help solidify my understanding and perspective on sexuality as I see things now. I was 22 at the time when I think I really had those things as close to ironed out as one person could ever hope to have, at least as far as how I saw myself and my place in the world. I actually felt transgender girls described who I was and who I am today perfectly and my curiosity of what it would feel like to look in the mirror and see a girl, changed in to a longing/desire to do it. I then proceeded to use the resources at my disposal to explore the possibility. Researching doctors, reading books, looking at any number of things I could to help me understand the process others have used to get to where they are…I did this so I could potentially learn from their experiences and see if there as anything I could do to best fit my situation and not do anything too hasty so as. We can get out of town, it’s not far to the desert and I know some places where we can see some amazing wildlife.’ ‘I’d love that,’ I said, my voice sincere. We talked for a while longer, then Tim suppressed a yawn. ‘Well,’ he said, ‘I’ll leave you to it – see you for breakfast.’ Again I waited till he was upstairs, and this time went into his room, willing myself into invisibility before sitting in the chair that faced the bed, watching the rise and fall of Tim’s chest as he slept. The next day passed without incident, though I followed Tim’s car closely through the heavy Friday rush hour traffic. This time he cooked Italian, and I enjoyed the rich tomato flavour of the sauce, enhanced by the parmesan Tim offered to grate over my meal. The following morning, we had breakfast together, and I finally sampled the cereal. ‘Do you want sugar on it?’ asked Tim. I shook my head. ‘The milk’s really rich, creamy.’ ‘How about a picnic for lunch?’ Tim suggested. ‘I’ve got stuff in.’ ‘Good.
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